KIDS COURT

Music by David Bass

Libretto by John Kane

tl;dr Synopsis

Hansel and Gretel are suing their Stepmother for neglect and abandonment on a reality courtroom TV show where kids are the jury and the alluring Judge Trudi presides. While the production team and stage hands scurry about and security guards desperately try to maintain order, lawyers for the plaintiffs and defendant present their case by reenacting their version of the events with the help of B-list celebrities, interrupted occasionally by ads for seriously sus products.

The proceedings do not go well for the defense and things are looking grim for the Stepmother until a surprise witness appears, completely undermines the plaintiff's case, and reveals Hansel and Gretel to be a pair of juvenile delinquents. The case is dismissed, and a literary agent signs everyone on the show to a book deal.

The Cast

Click here for a complete list of roles, ranges and harmony requirements.

To follow along in the music, download the complete vocal/piano score

And to follow along with just the words, download the libretto

KIDS COURT 2025 SYNOPSIS with DEMO MP3s

ACT ONE:
As the Stagehands prepare the TV studio for taping the next episode of the "Kids Court" reality TV show [Overture to Act I], the Floor Manager regales the Assistant Producer with a tale of his amorous adventure of the night before, but she interrupts him, pointing out that there are people in the audience [About Last Night]. The Security Guards, led by Sargeant-At-Arms Donovan, march in and sing of their pride in their work [Security] before the Kids run in. Donovan and the Security Guards lecture them about obedience and discipline [Keep It Down]. The Kids sing of their awe and rapture at the prospect of being on TV in a reality TV show as Donovan and the Security Guards try to herd them into place [We Want to Be on TV]. It's five minutes to showtime and the Floor Manager gives the Kids a pep-talk [Fabulini]. The Kids respond by singing of the show's many merits [Kids Court 1]. And...Kids Court is now in session [Showtime]!

The Floor Manager introduces Judge Trudi, who sings of her love for life on the bench, accompanied by the adoring Security Guards [Have Gavel]. But the first duty of the court is to choose a jury from the pool of Kids [Choose a Jury]. Next, Judge Trudi asks Donovan to announce the first case: Plaintiffs Fairlawn (Hansel and Gretel) vs. Defendant Fairlawn (their Stepmother) [Case Number One]. In his/her opening statement, Counsel for the Plaintiffs tries to ingratiate him/herself with the Jury Kids and prejudice them against the Defendant. The Floor Manager and Assistant Producer remind the Kids to obey the overhead signs. Donovan and the Security Guards, as usual, go overboard in yelling at the kids; Judy Trudi warns them to mind their P's and Q's [I Love Kids]. The Plaintiffs introduce themselves to the Audience Kids and Jury Kids, who are already sympathetic [Grateful]. Counsel for the Defense objects to the Plaintiffs' shameless attempts to dazzle and hoodwink the Jury. Judge Trudi sustains, but warns Counsel to be civil [Objection]. The Plaintiffs are sworn in by Donovan. Counsel for the Defense immediately objects, but Judge Trudi overrules [Plaintiffs Testify]. And now for a word from our sponsor: Famous Seamus Flaherty's Food Mart [Famous Seamus]!

Counsel for the Plaintiffs introduces the washed-up soap opera star Barbara Strother [Barbara 1] who will play the role of the villainous Stepmother in the show's dramatic reconstruction of the alleged crime [Barbara 2]. The Plaintiffs and Barbara re-enact their version of the alleged crime: the Stepmother leads the poor trusting Hansel and Gretel into the woods and abandons them there [It Was a Morning]. The Jury Kids are so incensed by the re-enactment that they can't wait for any more testimony before declaring a guilty verdict. Judge Trudi admonishes them to wait or be thrown off the show. The Jury Kids apologize abjectly [Guilty]. Counsel for the Plaintiffs calls Hansel and Gretel back to describe their incredible discovery in the woods [Gingerbread House 1]. Barbara re-enters as the Wicked Witch, and continues the re-enactment [Barbara 3] by luring Hansel and Gretel into the Gingerbread House where she locks them in a cage [Barbara 4]. And now a word from our next sponsor: a handy kitchen gadget you just can't do without! Judge Trudi declares court adjourned for a 20-minute break. Kids Court is in recess [Pulverizer]!

ACT TWO:
During the court's adjournment, some of the Kids horse around on set and one ascends the bench to lampoon Judge Trudi. Donovan discovers them and chases the Kids off the set [Prelude to Act II]. Counsel for the Plaintiffs enters, encouraging Hansel and Gretel to keep up the pressure. A Talent Agent appears and introduces herself to the Plaintiffs; she alludes to the millions to be made by publicizing their story. The Stagehands echo the sentiments of the Talent Agent [The Other Hand 1]. The Audience Kids and Jury Kids enter and reprise the merits of Kids Court. Donovan again yells at the Kids to "shut up"; Judge Trudi once again admonishes him and the Security Guards to show more decorum [Kids Court 2]. Judge Trudi asks Counsel for the Plaintiffs to conclude her case. The Counsel, Barbara Strother and the Plaintiffs give a quick review [Please Conclude]. Continuing the re-enactment, Barbara Strother (as the Wicked Witch) meditates on the many delectable ways she could prepare the two Plaintiffs for dinner. Yummy! [Itty-Bitty Child] The Plaintiffs describe their miraculous escape from the Wicked Witch's cage, and the means of her demise. The Audience Kids and Jury Kids are thrilled [Gingerbread House 2]. Judge Trudi is not amused. She declares that the Jury will now hear the case for the Defense [Discipline]. But first, yet another word from yet another sponsor: two ambulance-chasing lawyers, backed up by the Stagehands [Accident]!

After the break, Donovan swears in the Defendant (the Stepmother). Counsel for the Defense introduces her to the Jury [Defense Testifies 1]. The Defendant laments her unsuccessful efforts to nurture the ungrateful Plaintiffs [How Hard I Tried]. Counsel for the Plaintiffs conducts a hostile cross-examination of the Defendant [Defense Testifies 2]. Counsel for the Defense continues the case by introducing the celebrity pop stars Johnny Strepp and Britney Smears to re-enact the Defendant's version of events: the Plaintiffs ran away during a nature walk. Frantic objections by the Plaintiffs and their Counsel are overruled by Judge Trudi [Johnny and Britney]. Counsel for the Plaintiffs indignantly calls the Defendant's re-enactment an insult to the court; the Audience Kids and Jury Kids vehemently and raucously agree. Things are not looking good for the Defendant [Insult to the Court]! Counsel for the Defense calls one more witness; this is news to Counsel for the Plaintiffs [My Last Witness]. But first, one last word from one last sponsor: the makers of an exercise aid for that most neglected body part [Pinky Bender]!

Counsel for the Defense resumes by calling his/her last witness: Mrs. Agnes Patterson, an invalid who immediately recognizes the Plaintiffs [Agnes Testifies] as the two thugs who ransacked her little candy store and gift shop in the woods, and locked her in a giant freezer. Agnes Patterson's testimony is backed up by a video tape from her CCTV, which is shown to Judge Trudi and the Jury Kids [Drowned at Birth]. Judge Trudi declares "case dismissed" and instructs the court officials to arrest the Plaintiffs and put them on trial in next week's episode [Case Dismissed]. The Talent Agent reappears, delivers her spiel to the newly-exonerated Defendant, and gives the protesting Plaintiffs the brush-off. Everyone else claims that they've got a salable story, too [The Other Hand 2]. The Defendant asserts that Everyone Has A Story. The Talent Agent, Dononvan, Agnes Patterson, the Counsels, Barbara, Johnny, Britney, Judge Trudi, the Audience Kids, Jury Kids, Security Guards and Stagehands all join in [Everyone Has a Story]. The taping of the TV show episode is over. The Floor Manager and Assistant Producer thank their generous sponsors and reiterate what a great show Kids Court is. The whole cast agrees [Kids Court 3]. The encore is an ode to the Gingerbread House, sung by the whole cast [Gingerbread House Encore].